Stay With Me
by illbeyourhimitsu
Summary: Spoilers for Season 7, especially episode 17. Sam's got an angel in his head, but he's not the only one. Dean realizes the consequences of carrying around the trench coat of somebody long dead. T just for language. Destiel.


When Sam told Dean that he'd been seeing Lucifer again, honestly, he's a little relieved. Just a tiny bit. He thought, 'Thank God I'm not the only one." Dean will never admit it to anyone, let alone Sam, that he's been seeing an angel. Cas. Castiel. His friend. His _best _friend. Whatever.  
He doesn't even really remember when it started, just that every now and then, Cas would pop up. He would show up, just in the corner of Dean's eye, and sneak into his line of vision, and then start following him around, much like he did before…before he fricken' _dissolved. _

Dean's first initial thought, after he realized that he was the only one who could see him, was, 'Shit, I've finally lost it.' After awhile, though, he realized it might just be Cas's spirit, if angels' spirits linger on earth like normal ghosts. When that realization hit him, he thought that he probably should've burned Cas's trench coat ages ago, instead of taking it everywhere. Dean carries around Bobby's flask around with because it does have, as he's told Sammy, 'sentimental value.' And it does, because it was Bobby's, someone who was like a father to him. Having it with him fills him with nostalgia, rather than remorse, and he likes it that way.

Dean still isn't sure why he takes Cas's bloody, black ooze-covered trench coat with him all over America, placing it into the trunk of whatever car they steal for the next week. Maybe he hopes that Cas will show up one day, asking for it back, and make it up to Dean for all the shit that he did, like he said he would. Sam hasn't even said a word about it, which is surprising, with all the time Sam's tried to get Dean to talk about how he feels about Cas's betrayal.  
Instead Dean gets a haunting. Or so he believed. Usually when ghosts haunt people, they kill them. That really doesn't seem to be Cas's intention. Cas, or at least the Cas in Dean's head, doesn't even talk. Some other ghosts don't, and if Dean thinks about it, the majority of them don't, but all the stuff Sam's told Dean that Lucifer does, moaning, whining, and even singing, he can't help but expect Cas to start talking to him. But he doesn't. So one night, when Sam is out investigating somewhere else, and Dean has the motel room to himself, after waiting for Cas to show (and he always does), he tries to talk to him.

"Cas?"  
Cas nods, hands clasped in front of him.  
"Is it really you?" I mean, your ghost or whatever?"

Cas tilts his head a little, eyebrows creased, a frown on his lips. He doesn't look confused, just apologetic.

"Is that a no?" Dean feels his throat closing up, stomach dropping. He feels like a girl.

Cas only frowns more, as if to say "I'm sorry." After that, he's gone.

Dean wonders if he doesn't talk because the coat is just a small part of who Cas is…was, so he only gets a small part of Cas, since Cas is an angel, and Dean's not even sure if angels have bones to burn, but it doesn't really matter. He might go insane if Cas doesn't leave.

Dean doesn't know if burning the coat will get rid of him, but he should take the extra precaution.. There's no getting rid of Cas-vision if he doesn't. He really, really, _really _should burn that trench coat, but he doesn't.

Weeks later, the trench coat sits in its usual place in the trunk of Dean's newly-stolen car. Dean still hasn't told Sam, and he's even getting used to having hallucination-Cas around. It's not even really… _bad_. It's not as it's affecting him like Lucifer is Sam. Though sometimes, like when Bobby died, it makes his heart ache to look at him.

Dean finds it kinda… nice.

But a while later, Dean's doing some research on some real estate company he's seen all over the town, typing away on his laptop in a little café instead of a diner this time, when he feels the atmosphere change a bit, and he looks up and Cas has arrived, sitting across from him. Dean continues, except now he has the tiniest of smirks on his face as he works. Cas looks around like he's never been in a café his entire life. And he probably hasn't. Dean's tiny smirk drops. He's taken him to diners, bars, and even a brothel, but never a café. Dean licks his lips. He probably should have.

When Cas has finished inspecting the café, he locks his gaze with Dean and smiles. Not a massive, pearly-whites-showing smile, not even close; just a little pull of the corners of his lips, but it's genuine, and enough to make Dean's heart stop, just for a second. Cas was a rare smiler. So why now? Why would Dean's mind torture himself like this? Because now he feels racked with guilt, even if it had been Cas's own fault in the end. Maybe if Dean has called on him, talked to him before Crowley had roped him into his stupid plans, maybe, just _maybe _he could have helped. Stopped Cas from going full on dark side.

Cas seems to notice, but his smile doesn't falter. He closes his eyes, reaches forward and covers Dean's hand with his own, and Dean can feel him. Feel his cold fingers on his. Like he's _really _there. Like he's not actually dead. The touch sends warmth instantly spreading through Dean, and even though it's ridiculous, he has the notion that Cas is trying to heal him.  
'I don't need to be healed, Cas,' He thinks, closing his own eyes, 'Sammy's the one who needs healing.'

When he reopens his eyes, Cas is gone.

Dean gets back to work, trying to ignore the fact that his body is still buzzing from Cas' touch, that hallucination-Cas touched him for the first time ever. Tries to ignore his pounding heart.

Dean doesn't see Cas for another day before he becomes anxious. He knew it was strange to feel worried for a _hallucination, _but why would Cas just disappear? He tries not to think about the fact that the touch could have been a goodbye.

Ten days later, when Sam has finally gone completely cuckoo and checked into a mental ward is when Dean learns of Emmanuel.

Eleven days later is when Dean meets Emmanuel, and tries to hold back choked tears and resist the urge to hug his angel. Eleven days later, Emmanuel declares how Dean was betrayed by someone close to him, unbeknownst that he's talking about himself. Or, someone he was. Eleven days later, Castiel remembers everything, and Dean returns a blood-stained trench coat to its rightful owner.

Twelve days later, Dean takes off after Dick Roman, leaving his angel in Sam's place.  
If things had been different, if Dean didn't have to go off and kill some monster…again…he would've stayed. He really wishes he could stay with Cas. For real this time.

**Hope you liked it.**

**Incredibly messy writing, I know, I apologize. **


End file.
